


A Love Story Going Forward

by chattyblue



Series: A love story [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Hospitals, Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chattyblue/pseuds/chattyblue
Summary: "I couldn't sleep for five days and I barely remember anything from the fifth day, but you kept saying, 'I'm here,' and it was enough. The first time you called me I didn't answer, but you left a voicemail and I still have it saved."
Relationships: Original Character(s)/Original Character(s), Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Series: A love story [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2206029
Kudos: 1





	A Love Story Going Forward

**Author's Note:**

> TW: character death and terminal illnesses. Not medically accurate and not claiming to be medically accurate.

It starts like this. 

She's walking down the hallway because she's sick (hah) of the tests and the check ins and the sleep studies, and she's tired (when isn't she?) and when she turns a corner a man is frantically flipping through his clipboard.

***

Josh,

I'm a physicist im a scientist, 

I've never been good with words. I have a habit of stealing them from others.

***

"I wasn't a big fan of creative writing. Had to take it to get a credit, but it wasn't for me," Will says around a mouthful of food, scrunching her nose. 

Josh makes a face at her deplorable table habits (or maybe at her casual dismissal of his Creative Writing minor, or maybe just a general expression of disgust at Will's entire existence in general.)

"Well, look," he says, waving his hand in the air, his eyes already brightening, clearly ready to begin the rant he has prepared. Will pushes her sunglasses back up her nose to hide her smile. Josh continues.

"It's like, I create all these worlds and people in my head, and I have to put them down. It's a connection, it's art, it's how we convey to others how we experience the world."

"That's what I've always disliked about it. Fiction writing has to come from your own brain, your own thoughts and experiences. I didn't like it because I always felt like I put too much of me in it. And I can't let other people see that."

***

I know what happened to your favorite mug. I broke it, and I wasn't thinking straight so I buried it in the backyard like it was a bird or a cat. I cried about it all day. Sometimes when I think about I still tear up. I'm tearing up right now.

***

When her degree finally gets mailed to her, Josh takes her to an ice cream shop and says to pick out her favorite. 

As they stand at the counter, the too bright fluorescent light from the display shines in John's eyes and the color reminds her, briefly, of an ocean right before a storm, and then, immediately after, she thinks ah, no, best think quicksilver.

"Guess my favorite flavor," she demands.

He turns to her, immediately and obviously invested in the game, and then his eyes narrow in concentration as he thinks. The teenage cashier looks annoyed but hey, they're not doing anything obviously disruptive. 

"It's vanilla," he says, "It has to be vanilla," and he's so clearly delighted by his answer, that Will can't help but say, "Yes, you've got it, I love vanilla."

***

It's late. You've just gotten home from work. I want you to kno-

Sorry. Past You walked in. I'm sure he sends his love. (I'm sure I do too.)

***

Melanie says wearing sunglasses indoors makes her look like a jackass.

Will privately agrees with her, but that's only fifty percent of the reason why she does it.

***

I can't.

***

Will doesn't have very many (or any) friends outside of Melanie and Josh, and one of those is her kid sister and the other is her… regardless, she's aware it's maybe, possibly, not the most healthy social circle. But whatever.

Reducing the impact zone.

Melanie, once she gets going, is an incessant chatterbox. Will hears her on the phone one day, talking to a friend or a classmate, and she says Josh and Will, but she says it fast, quick, my sister, Will, I know, it's a weird name, but her and her friend Josh and Will- 

Like it's one word, one name. 

Josh-and-Will.

Josh-and-Will. 

It's stuck in her head for a long time, even after she falls asleep a few days later and wakes up. 

***

I keep looking up color codes to figure out the exact color of your eyes. I haven't quite decided yet, but I think I'm getting close.

***

She'd dealt with insomnia her whole life, and she'd been aware, at times, that it was probably worse than how other people experienced it, but at a certain point it became low on the list of priorities. And then, well. 

Somewhere along the way a protein got folded wrong, and Will's life expectancy gets practically cut in half. 

The longest a human being has gone without sleep without dying is eleven days.

***

I couldn't sleep for five days and I barely remember anything from the fifth day, but you kept saying, "I'm here," and it was enough. The first time you called me I didn't answer, but you left a voicemail and I still have it saved.

***

In Melanie's senior year, it gets significantly worse. 

She's routinely up for a week at a time before she crashes. A memorable event had been when she was up for nine days, and then had been forced to stay at the hospital for a month before they even considered releasing her. 

Josh is there, of course. He's a surgeon, so he's not always there, but since Will doesn't have to worry about things like proper sleeping schedules, they have more time together.

A blessing in disguise. 

She loses time, which is less of a blessing. She'll be in a conversation with Josh while he espouses the genius of Jane Austen, and when she's done blinking she's lying on the bathroom floor, and her brain is melting, and she's so tired, she'd do anything to go to sleep.

A hand brushes away loose hair from her face, and her next breath comes a little easier. 

***

I can't stop buying ice cream now. This is all your fault. I didn't even have a favorite flavor until you guessed vanilla. 

***

She takes advantage of her first bouts of lucidity in… a while, to rewrite her will.

They're simple requests. She wants to be buried in the local cemetery. No priest. A quarter of her money goes to Josh and three quarters goes to Melanie. Will sets aside money for the funeral. Melanie is 17 for several more months, so if Will dies before then, Melanie wants Josh to be the legal guardian.

It's probably a moot point. Melanie is old enough and independent enough she'd probably just emancipate herself, but maybe the act of including it in the will may make her reconsider.

She writes a letter for Melanie. It's full of apologies, and other things you shouldn't know about your older sister until after she's dead. The words for Melanie are clear, if not always easy to say.

She spends the rest of her life writing and rewriting Josh's letter.

***

I love you terribly. I wish I had more to offer. Don't miss me too much. Sorry it was me. I'm sorry loving each other couldn't be easy. You do love me, don't you? I want more time with you. When I was a little girl my mother told me nobody could ever love me, and I believed it because it was true, and then I believed it because it was easy and then I believed it because i was an abused child and then i never really stopped believing it, but you grew up in a rural county so your mother taught you how to catch fireflies, so when we went to your childhood home for your mothers funeral you caught fireflies because nobody else in your family knew how to anymore and you save lives and sometimes people die and you blame yourself even when you shouldnt and you told me when you were 10 you would dress up as superman and pretend to fly, and if i could love you there must be some good in me too.

***

On the last good day, she takes out the letter one last time (though Will isn't aware, quite yet, that this will be the last good day or the last time she looks at the letter).

It's a quick message, easier than some of her other thoughts throughout the last year. 

***

Josh, I know I'm the one that's dying, but you're the one that's haunting me. 

Always yours,

Will


End file.
